The Eurovision 2018 Review: Day 39

Ain’t love grand? Especially when you find it on a TV talent show and those early days of your relationship are cemented by standing in a really big Lazy Susan in the video for your first song.

It’s no wonder Spain has taken Alfred and Amaia to their hearts, even to the extent they’ve collectively agreed not to notice the harnesses when they’re having a lovely fly in the aforementioned video for Tu Cancion. Everyone loves a happy couple. And before you go getting all cynical, you’d like a share of the profits from the Harry and Meghan tea towels too.

To everyone else who didn’t follow Alf and Alma’s story (whatever you do, don’t tell Audrey) through Spain’s selection process, they may not be quite so benevolent towards it,

It’s very nice. Almost offensively so. This is the type of couple who have an office romance that winds everyone up. All over each other in the pub after work and cooing over the gushy texts they send each other from either end of the room. Make it stop. Now, please.

Of course, there’s always room at this Contest for something your nan would like and Tu Cancion is probably that this year.

The one thing that is fun is working out where this pair will be 25 years from now. Hopefully they’ve kept the leather armchairs but Alfred now sits and picks crumbs out of his belly button while Amaia grumbles about having to get his tea while vowing never to sing Tu Cancion again and dreaming of the hunky postman to whisk her away for a small sherry.

I’m sorry but there’s no sympathy here. They should have thought about that before recording this.

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